I mean it, I do apologise, but I seriously need to rant or ... whatever this is called and since this is possibly my least active journal place I might as well do it here.

I have to say, I don't have too many problems with my family, they are all lovely (albeit close minded)
But last night, I realised, I have been living in a bit of a fantasy.
My mothers partner drinks - to excess.
And yes, he shouts and screams and everything else but last night
I honestly do not remember how it even started, but I do remember sitting in my room, lights off, chest of drawers against the door, me against the chest, listening to 'Asleep' and thinking "Why does this seem like a Sucker Punch moment?"
He was outside, screaming and shouting and I'm wondering why the fuck are neighbours NOT calling the guards? Fucking passive idiots.
I do remember him trying to get in, me pushing as hard as fuck against the drawers to keep him out. That is how I have a bruise along my back today.
I was planning what to do; get the first bus to Dublin and then to my Grandma's and then to my Dads.
But I did not get that far because of my mother; it was honestly pathetic "We're a team; you and me against the world"
To be honest, if I was to have team of people plus me against the world, she would not be in it.
And I do blame her for so much, I do want to live with my Dad though they all say that he isn't stable.
Hm? He wasn't the one in rehab for three months
He never got drunk when I was around 9-12?
I do not see how he is the unstable one.
And if I'm missing something, I do not care. I hate peoplle talking bad about him, I'm not sure if I am ignoring something because I love him, but I'd happily live with him.
And the only reason I have not left the house today was - I don't know my plans for next year at all, if I could have that - I would have been on the next bus, train or flying carpet out of there.

But, I must say - I'm one of the lucky people who live witch this.
It does not happen everynight.
I do not get physically hurt by him.
I do not have two alcoholic parents.
I'm old enough to understand what's going on
And I'm old enough to leave if I want.

I'm not looking for people to pity me, because I do know someone worse off and though I do not like him, I found out he was in hospital (for illness, not hurt) and was relieved when someone else saw the state of the boy and he is now fighting to live with his Grandma ad I hope he is allowed.

I'm also lucky that I could tell someone last night and that they calmed me down - I need to thank them <3

The only thing that REALLY upset me was alll I wanted for those three hours was for someone to hold me and that made me see how lonely I am.

I need a girlfriend, damn it XD

But if this does happen again - no more chances; I'm getting the next bus out.

I also have positve things. Firstly ... ? Oh fuck, I forgot.

Secondly - I was at a party (just at my Grandma's) and I had so much fun pretending to be a unicorn with a party hat - and my Grandma said Rarity and I cracked up for 10 minutes.

Thirdly - I may be getting a new dress tomorrow!

I REMEMBER THE FIRST THING!

My laptop was taken away to be 'fixed' and I have what used to be mine but is my sisters laptop and I looked at iTunes today - ALL my old music is on it!

I nearly cried when I heard the Kuroshitsuji and My Chem stuff still on it - now I'm trying to find a way to get all of this on my iPod again.